Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dear god my vagina.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
