Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
