return my video game
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize