HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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