please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
