I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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