How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
