Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
