I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
