that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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