What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
