She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
