Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
