last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
