Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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