He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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