on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
