Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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