i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
