just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
