Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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