He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
