I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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