I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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