absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
