i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize