My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
