may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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