i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
