Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
