we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
