Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize