u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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