I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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