you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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