he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
