an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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