But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
