Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
did you just send me my own nude
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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