get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
