Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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