after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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