ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
