i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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