You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You dont lie about slip and slides
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
