i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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