saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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