i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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