No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
