So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
