Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
