i don't like sucking hair
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
