call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
