How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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