Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
