So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
