we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
either way he was missing a nipple.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
