I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
