I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We are all done wearing pants today
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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