i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
