Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
