Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize