Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
