Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
