Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
