We won't sleep together?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
