K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
