i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
