He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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