It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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