Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize