Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
