his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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