sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
