He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
