his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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