So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
