I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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